I’ve sort of come to an impasse in my book reviews. I’ve stopped reading all the intellectually stimulating books I have in lieu of finishing up a few more vampire books in order to write an essay on Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series.

Wait… I already wrote up some reviews of Twilight, right? But the dark spell that was Twilight has been broken recently, partly thanks to the absurdity of Breaking Dawn and partly thanks to Meyer refusing to finish a book that was leaked on the internet. Waa waa waa, all the way home.

ANYWAY, I decided that Meyer needed an author review, since she has 5 (and one half) books out and I’ve read them all. But the more I thought about her books the less I could come up with for an author review. Which led me to wonder how such a flippant, one dimensional book(s) could do so well on best sellers lists. It got me thinking… and if you know me well enough, you know that that’s not always a good thing. At least for Stephenie Meyer.

While this was all happening I was picking up more vampire novels to bide my time (oh shut up, even HBO is hopping on this bandwagon, and I was into vampires long before it became a trend). A few books caught my attention more than others, mainly Vampire Diaries by LJ Smith (see above) and Dead Until Dark by Charlene Harris, the book HBO used to fabricate True Blood. Ok, so what does this have to do with Meyer? She swears up and down that she took no inspiration from other texts, but these two books contain a wide range of similarities. Which was pissing me off.

So my brain started chugging along, thinking she must have stolen these ideas and was just crafty about covering it up. Then it dawned on me why Meyer could have never, ever possibly stolen any of her ideas from any other author. Stephenie Meyer’s plots, characters and themes are gravely underdeveloped and incoherent. Her plot follows no known logic, her characters posses no classic traits and her entire series lacks any original and intriguing themes. This is my thesis. This is what’s been consuming my brain for the last week and a half. A research paper. I kind of… sort of… miss those.

Anyway, that’s where I’ve been and that’s why I’ve been reading more vampire books. Or so I tell myself.